An audience of me

In the last year, I have really gotten "serious" about my writing. Serious is such a bad word for this; it makes me feel very solemn and bitter-faced. Heh. It's really something I'm very happy about! It's gone from being a pipe dream of something I always wanted to do, to something I am so passionate about, it keeps me awake at night.

I have managed to write more than 100 pages of a novel (I'm not sure how many pages I'm up to now, so I'll leave it at that). I have submitted a short story/memoir to a contest. I don't honestly expect to hear anything back saying, "Wow! You are marvelous! You win!" but I am simply proud of myself that I made the commitment to do it and did. I have blogged on julielayne fairly consistently. I write on my computer, in my head, in the shower, on the potty (Todd prefers that I don't use a sharpie on the toilet lid, but…), in the car, and in my dreams. It's consuming.

This blog will be a little different than julielayne. Julielayne is my "just for fun" blog about whatever hits me, for friends and family who want to keep up with what's going on in my life. An audience of me will be all about writing--the daily journey I face as someone who wants to write more than almost anything in the world. I read a book by Anne Lamott recently called Bird by Bird. She made the statement that some people want to write and others want to be published. I would love to eventually be published, and I would be lying if I said differently, but I truly do have a passion about this sometimes annoying gift. It just won't leave me alone. In the words of my favorite musician, "I'm just minding my own business and metaphors start jumping me." Or something like that. I'm just minding my own business and ideas or metaphors or pictures that need describing just start jumping me.

I am calling this An audience of me because I am discovering that, in spite of all the wonderful writers' groups, conferences, and friends and family who support me, being a writer can be a really lonely thing. It's something you can't really do as a group. Sure, there are collaborative efforts in writing, but for the most part, it's finding the time to be alone (at least in my head) and as the old Nike commercial said, "Just do it."

So, today I was looking at some writer's conferences I want to attend, and shooting emails back and forth with my two writing buddies, and being a little bummed because neither can afford to go to a conference I am thinking of going to this summer in Austin. I do not fault them for this, because I've certainly been there, but I came to the realization that I am going to have to make the choice that I will have to do some of these things alone.

I am a person who is actually happy to be alone a lot of the time. I work from home without going crazy. I like wandering alone sometimes—window shopping, serious shopping, taking pictures, walking, etc. In fact, I really don't like groups for the most part. In my ideal world, I'm alone a lot, and have a few close friends or confidantes to hang out with or talk to. I love "date night" with my husband. I don’t do parties real well. Conferences involve parties and groups. What I don't like is being "alone" in a group of people. It would be great to have a familiar face going along, a familiar arm to hang onto when I am feeling vulnerable. I went to the SLA conference in Toronto last summer alone, other than having a roommate I knew from school for part of the week, and it was scary! I hear other writers make these comments frequently. Writers tend to be introverts, so the marketing side of writing can be hard. I know all this…I guess I am normal! Yippee!

So, I said all that to say this (and one of the things I have got to work on as a writer is brevity. Julie and brevity are rarely said in the same breath.)—An audience of me is going to be my little corner of the world where I talk to myself about writing whether anyone else is listening or not. I might include some writing that isn't necessarily about writing, but something I want to post just so I can see how it looks "out there." There are many characters running amok in my head that will be glad to listen (and maybe some that will even tell me to shut up when needed), but they are also me. I need to be content with writing what's on my mind and knowing that I might be the only one who ever reads it. If anyone else wants to drop in, feel free to pull up a seat, comment, or just look in the door and move on. I'm not trying to say, "It's all about me." (Well, it kind of is here. :) The point is that me has to be enough when you are a writer.

Welcome, Julie, and whoever else might listen, to An audience of me.