Three words (and a million besides)

On New Year's Eve, Barbara (who incidentally had a book release the day before under her nifty new name! Yeah, that Lost Recipe for Happiness book that's flying off the shelves and is already in is third print run.) blogged about a news show that asked people to list three words that defined 2008 for them. She took it a step further by asking people to list not only their three 2008 words in her comments, but also the three they'd like to see in 2009. I didn't list mine, but I've been thinking about them ever since and thought I'd post them here as a way to officially start blogging for 2009.

In a way, this is replacing making resolutions for me. Last year, I made resolutions for the first time in forever. I did okay. I didn't submit a full manuscript, but I'm almost there! I certainly made progress. At this point, I'm not even sure what I meant, because I have to query first and get a request for a full before I can submit one, so that part's not really up to me.

I certainly didn't lose the 30 to 40 pounds. In fact, I think I gained the extra five that's typical. Grrrrr. I'm not sure I really even tried.

I did become more confident in my writing voice—I took the class I mentioned, and I wrote constantly. I'm still not sure exactly what my voice is, but I'm getting there.

Turning off the computer by 7 p.m. three nights a week? HAHAHAHA!!! Did I really say that? I think I did it for a few weeks. But, hey, since Facebook happened, at least the family all sits around and Facebooks together! Hmm. Something to think about.

Now, onward. I think the three words concept is easier and harder all at once. When I look back at 2008, it's pretty easy to list the words. When I look forward, it's even pretty easy to say what I'd like to see happen. I think I'll even be able to identify the ways I succeeded when I look back.

But on the other hand ... these words? They're kind of BIG. There's a lot of room for both success and defeat. Maybe that's good.

So. 2008. My three words.

Plodding ~ Pain ~ People pleasing

I kind of like that alliteration thing going on, but they are honestly the three that stuck.

Plodding: I knew going in it would be a year of plodding, specifically with my writing. I knew I had tons of work to do on my manuscript before it would be ready to go to an agent. I'm not sure I had any idea how MUCH. I finished my first draft in ... February? March? I thought I'd be ready to query by June or July. I'm still working on it. And yet, I knew I'd be plodding, nonetheless. So, it was perfectly okay by me.

Pain: Yeah, it just sucks being over 40. What they tell you about turning 40 and your body turning on you? It's all true. Now, losing that 30 or 40 pounds might have helped, but still. It's been happening for a few years already, but I had some true surprises this year—some chronic stuff creeping up on me when I thought I had the triggers under control. Some brand new stuff that threw me for a loop. Not going into detail, because it's all quite boring.

But, I am pleased to say, it didn't stop me from writing, and it didn't stop me from the trip of a lifetime to the UK. (And I also promise to finish my UK blogging soon!) Fortunately, I seem to be recovered, or at least on the upswing, from nearly all those little buggers. Knock on wood.

People Pleasing: Who me? Yeah. My name is Julie, and I'm a people pleaser. (Hi, Julie!)

Seems like ever since I gave my mom three days of bad labor, tried to come out feet first, and didn't let her sleep for four months, I've been trying to make up for it. Apparently TO THE WHOLE WORLD.

<Said in Craig Ferguson voice>: I KNOW!!!!

I polish my veneer as best I can – the one I hope makes me look a little bit like a rebel or a cynic – but anyone who knows me well (you know, in REAL life or at least three years in the e-world) knows I'm an approval addict.

My friend Gail and I have frequent discussions about it. If it were a club, we'd be like 300 Degree People Pleasers, or Eagle People Pleasers, or Distinguished People Pleasing Masters.

We're both people pleasers of the highest level, but we seem to manifest in different ways. She says yes to everything, and then wears herself out trying to make sure everyone is happy with her yes. I say no to everything, because I worry I'll disappoint, and then I feel guilty for not committing. Well, not to everything. Just those things where I think there's a reasonable chance I might fail. Or get bored. Or get sick of the people I'd have to work with. Or pretty much anything else when I can find a good excuse to "just say no." (Obviously, I am super volunteer mom. Or not.)

It's actually a case of boundaries set way, way out. Maybe a legacy from a tumultuous childhood and early adulthood. Sometimes, it's healthy, because I rarely over-commit myself, but sometimes it's not, because I probably pass up some great opportunities for stretching.

On the other hand, I do have a small circle I let in, and my people pleasing tendencies sometimes get hyper, crazy, and out of control. I like people to be happy, and if they're not, I'm usually convinced it's my fault. So, this year wasn't much better than any of the previous, oh, 40 something in this area. Well, that's not completely true. You should have seen me ten years ago. But I'm still going to have to put it at the end of each year until I conquer it, okay?

And that was 2008.

Sounds like a rotten year, doesn't it? HA! Gotcha. It wasn't at all! It was a pretty good year, even. A wonderful year, for the most part. I liked more of it than I disliked. These are just the three words that stuck out, for some reason.

So, 2009.

Here are the three words that floated to the top after much sifting and shaking.

Anticipation ~ Ownership ~ Brevity

(Stop laughing at the third one. I SAID STOP IT! NOW!)

Anticipation: It's here. The time is now. Almost. That's how I feel. The time is almost now.

I'd say it's now, but I just have this great big excited lump of anticipation in my throat, and I like it. I like having a sense that the best is yet to come, and I hope that for each win this year, I have that sense of anticipation coming right on its heels. Right now, specifically, it's almost time to query. I hope soon I can say it's almost time to see my dream of becoming a published writer come true. Yes, I want to live "in the moment," too, but anticipation is what keeps most of us going, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But I promise to try to remember to revel in the here and now, too.

Ownership: This is in direct response to the people pleasing thing. I told Gail when we were talking that we just need to own it, then do it. Stop worrying about who we're going to disappoint, who we might fail, who might think we drank a big can of crazy. Let our yes's be yes, then get it done, or our no's be no and forget about it. And we probably both need to cross that middle line a little more often than we've done in the past.

Ownership's also about those things like weight loss. I own this body and it's time to clean it up. Todd and I are looking at treadmills. I've figured out I hate gyms. Actually, I didn't even have to figure it out. I knew it all along, but I tried to pretend otherwise. I don't like having to take the time to find the right workout clothes, brush my hair and teeth, wash my face, and all the other silly stuff we women "of a certain age" feel like we have to do to go to the gym. (If you are that age and can just go, bless you.)

I like walking outside, but this crazy Texas weather is so unpredictable, you might get three days a week where you can do it in relative comfort, you might get seven, or you might get none. This is no way to develop an exercise routine.

I also like solitude in my workouts. I'm not coordinated enough for classes, and I could never follow the rules of team sports. To put it simply, I want to roll out of bed, drink a diet coke, and jump on the treadmill, no wasting time on vanity, maybe even allowing myself a time every day when I can catch up on a TV show or just think. So, we're going to see how that works out. I'll letcha know.

Brevity: (Yeah, you're still laughing, aren't you?) I know it. I go on too long.

I'm the writer whose current manuscript would be about 200K words if it contained all the extra stuff I've cut. I've gotten pretty good at cutting the words in my fiction (105K now, thank you very much), but these other things? The things I do say yes to? Blogs? Conversations? Facebooking? I can live there. I don't do the grocery shopping for our household, because as my mom says, I move in.

A few weeks ago, Todd and I had a blowout in the kitchen over something as simple as how to cook ... um ... what was it? I can't even remember now. (And it's going to drive me nuts.) At any rate, he wasn't paying much attention to my thoughts on why he should have been cooking something one way instead of another. Finally, he just told me flat out I was going on too long and it didn't really matter.

I would have been okay with that had he not added, "You do that to everyone."

OUCH!!! OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!

Now, a few weeks later, (after I slapped him and told him promptly that apparently SOME people like hanging around with me despite the fact that I GO ON TOO LONG, because he was just WRONG for making that kind of GENERAL STATEMENT, right, relationship experts? Well, ok, I didn't really slap him.)...

Anyway, after all that, I can see his point. I KNOW it's true. Otherwise, it probably wouldn't have bugged me, correct?

So, I'm looking that in the eye, and I'm going with it, and this year, I'm going to try as hard as I can.

Brevity.

To that end, this may the longest post you see from me all year, with the possible exception of the two I've already written but not yet published. I may still post them, but I've been letting them marinate while I've considered my three words. Thus, if you have to page down more once in my future blog posts, you have permission to yell at me. If you have to page down at all, you have my permission to cough and politely remind me.

The blog posts I remember the most—and the ones I'm most likely to comment on—are long enough I don't feel like I wasted my time opening the silly link, but short enough I can read fairly quickly and get a few takeaways I might remember for a while. Generally not the five page ones. (Some of my blog friends post at length, however, and still accomplish this for me. Lisa, for instance. Her thought processes are truly remarkable, and I read to the end every single time, and she always has a slew of discussion going on.)

But I'm a rambler, and I'm not particularly proud of it.

I mean, this post alone is four pages long in Word. SINGLE SPACED.

It may take a little practice. I'd venture to say I'll blog LESS than MORE for a while until I get the process of writing shorter down. Because you know I'll be doing major surgery for a while.

So, that's it. My three words for 2008 and 2009.

Now, I'm going to do what Barbara did—tag, you're it! Leave your thoughts in the comments if you'd like, or let me know if you do this on your own blog.

(Bungi, you're excused because of all the times you've tagged me and I've never played, unless you just want to! See how that just proves my point about saying no? Ha ha.)

And ...

Happy New Year! (Also three words.)